Mr. Brisher's Treasure

H.G. Wells

"You can't be too careful who you marry," said Mr. Brisher, and pulled thoughtfully with a

fat-wristed hand at the lank moustache that hides his want of chin.

"That's why--" I ventured.

"Yes," said Mr. Brisher, with a solemn light in his bleary, blue-grey eyes, moving his head

expressively and breathing alcohol intimately at me. "There's lots as 'ave 'ad a try at me--

many as I could name in this town--but none 'ave done it--none."

I surveyed the flushed countenance, the equatorial expansion, the masterly carelessness of

his attire, and heaved a sigh to think that by reason of the unworthiness of women he must

"So near as that?"

He looked at me. "So near as that. Fact is--" He looked about him, brought his face close to

mine, lowered his voice, and fenced off an unsympathetic world with a grimy hand. "If she

ain't dead or married to some one else or anything--I'm engaged still. Now." He confirmed

this statement with nods and facial contortions. "Still," he said, ending the pantomime, and

broke into a reckless smile at my surprise. "Me!"

"Run away," he explained further, with coruscating eyebrows. "Come 'ome.

"That ain't all.

"You'd 'ardly believe it," he said, "but I found a treasure. Found a regular treasure."

I fancied this was irony, and did not, perhaps, greet it with proper surprise. "Yes," he said,

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clo'es 's good as anybody. 'At--silk 'at, mind you." Mr. Brisher's hand shot above his head

towards the infinite to indicate it silk hat of the highest. "Umbrella--nice umbrella with a

'orn 'andle. Savin's. Very careful I was. . . ."

He was pensive for a little while, thinking, as we must all come to think sooner or later, of

the vanished brightness of youth. But he refrained, as one may do in taprooms, from the

obvious moral.

"I got to know 'er through a chap what was engaged to 'er sister. She was stopping in

London for a bit with an aunt that 'ad a 'am an' beef shop. This aunt was very particular--

they was all very particular people, all 'er people was--and wouldn't let 'er sister go out with

this feller except 'er other sister, my girl that is, went with them. So 'e brought me into it,

"And when this chap married 'er sister--'im and me was great friends--what must 'e do but

arst me down to Colchester, close by where She lived. Naturally I was introjuced to 'er

people, and well, very soon, her and me was engaged."

He repeated "engaged."

"She lived at 'ome with 'er father and mother, quite the lady, in a very nice little 'ouse with a

garden--and remarkable respectable people they was. Rich you might call 'em a'most. They

owned their own 'ouse--got it out of the Building Society, and cheap because the chap who

had it before was a burglar and in prison--and they 'ad a bit of free'old land, and some

cottages and money 'nvested--all nice and tight: they was what you'd call snug and warm. I

tell you, I was On. Furniture too. Why! They 'ad a pianner. Jane--'er name was Jane--used to

when he got out o' toon 'arf the people went after 'im--always. 'E was that sort of man. And

to walk be'ind 'im in 'is nice black clo'es--'is 'at was a brimmer--made one regular proud to

be engaged to such a father-in-law. And when the summer came I went down there and

stopped a fortnight.

there was a Itch. Consequently, when I went down there, I was anxious to show that I was a

good useful sort of chap like. Show I could do pretty nearly everything like. See?"

I made a sympathetic noise.

"And down at the bottom of their garden was a bit of wild part like. So I says to 'im, 'Why

don't you 'ave a rockery 'ere?' I says. 'It 'ud look nice.'

"'Too much expense,' he says.

"'Not a penny,' says I. 'I'm a dab at rockeries. Lemme make you one.' You see, I'd 'elped my

married."

"What!--a treasure--dug up?"

"Yes--buried wealth--treasure trove. Come out of the ground. What I kept on saying--

regular treasure. . . ." He looked at me with unusual disrespect.

"It wasn't more than a foot deep, not the top of it," he said. "I'd 'ardly got thirsty like, before

I come on the corner."

"Go on," I said. "I didn't understand."

"Why! Directly I 'it the box I knew it was treasure. A sort of instinct told me. Something

seemed to shout inside of me--'Now's your chance-- lie low.' It's lucky I knew the laws of

treasure trove or I'd 'ave been shoutin' there and then. I daresay you know--"

And directly after I 'eard the chap next door--'e was 'olidaying, too-- I 'eard him watering 'is

beans. If only 'e'd looked over the fence!"

"What did you do?"

had it hid. I tell you I was regular scared like at my luck. I jest thought that it 'ad to be kep'

close and that was all. 'Treasure,' I kep' whisperin' to myself, 'Treasure' and ''undreds of

pounds, 'undreds, 'undreds of pounds.' Whispering to myself like, and digging like blazes. It

seemed to me the box was regular sticking out and showing, like your legs do under the

sheets in bed, and I went and put all the earth I'd got out of my 'ole for the rockery slap on

top of it. I was in a sweat. And in the midst of it all out toddles 'er father. He didn't say

anything to me, jest stood behind me and stared, but Jane tole me afterwards when he went

indoors, 'e says, 'That there jackanapes of yours, Jane'--he always called me a jackanapes

some'ow--'knows 'ow to put 'is back into it after all.' Seemed quite impressed by it, 'e did."

"Yes--in length?"

"Thousands," said Mr. Brisher, in a sort of sad calm. "I calc'lated it out."

"But how did they get there?"

"All I know is what I found. What I thought at the time was this. The chap who'd owned the

'ouse before 'er father 'd been a regular slap-up burglar. What you'd call a 'igh-class

criminal. Used to drive 'is trap--like Peace did." Mr. Brisher meditated on the difficulties of

narration and embarked on a complicated parenthesis. "I don't know if I told you it'd been a

burglar's 'ouse before it was my girl's father's, and I knew 'e'd robbed a mail train once, I did

know that. It seemed to me--"

"That's very likely," I said. "But what did you do?"

"Sweated," said Mr. Brisher. "Regular run orf me. All that morning," said Mr. Brisher, "I

was at it, pretending to make that rockery and wondering what I should do. I'd 'ave told 'er

or not, and went down to it and 'ad it uncovered again, just as her ma came out to 'ang up a

you've dug.'

fence and filling 'is pockets. But in the afternoon I got easier in my mind--it seemed to me it

must 'ave been there so long it was pretty sure to stop a bit longer--and I tried to get up a bit

of a discussion to dror out the old man and see what 'E thought of treasure trove."

Mr. Brisher paused, and affected amusement at the memory.

"The old man was a scorcher," he said; "a regular scorcher."

"It was like this," explained Mr. Brisher, laying a friendly hand on my arm and breathing

into my face to calm me. "Just to dror 'im out, I told a story of a chap I said I knew--

it, but I said I wasn't sure whether that was right or not. And then the old man began. Lor'! 'e

did let me 'ave it!" Mr. Brisher affected an insincere amusement. "'E was, well--what you

'ave. Said 'e'd naturally expect that from the friend of a out-of-work loafer who took up with

daughters who didn't belong to 'im. There! I couldn't tell you 'arf 'e said. 'E went on most

outrageous. I stood up to 'im about it, just to dror 'im out. 'Wouldn't you stick to a 'arf-sov',

not if you found it in the street?' I says. 'Certainly not,' 'e says; 'certainly I wouldn't.' 'What!

not if you found it as a sort of treasure?' 'Young man,' 'e says, 'there's 'i'er 'thority than

mine--Render unto Caesar'-- what is it? Yes. Well, he fetched up that. A rare 'and at 'itting

you over the 'ed with the Bible, was the old man. And so he went on. 'E got to such Snacks

"I went out in a 'uff at last. But not before I was pretty sure I 'ad to lift that treasure by

myself. The only thing that kep' me up was thinking 'ow I'd take it out of 'im when I 'ad the

cash."

all my pockets full of these 'ere 'arf-crowns--see?--and afterwards as I shall tell.

"Well, I got to that state I couldn't think of getting at the Treasure again in the daytime, so I

waited until the night before I had to go, and then, when everything was still, up I gets and

slips down to the back door, meaning to get my pockets full. What must I do in the scullery

but fall over a pail! Up gets 'er father with a gun--'e was a light sleeper was 'er father, and

very suspicious and there was me: 'ad to explain I'd come down to the pump for a drink

"And you mean to say--" I began.

"'Yes,' I says--I couldn't 'elp it--'I put a lot in that rockery,' I says, like that. See? 'I put a lot

in that rockery'--meaning--"

and presently a thunderstorm. Down it came. First big drops in a sort of fizzle, then 'ail. I

kep'on. I whacked at it--I didn't dream the old man would 'ear. I didn't even trouble to go

quiet with the spade, and the thunder and lightning and 'ail seemed to excite me like. I

shouldn't wonder if I was singing. I got so 'ard at it I clean forgot the thunder and the 'orse

and trap. I precious soon got the box showing, and started to lift it . . . ."

"I couldn't no more lift it than fly. I was sick. I'd never thought of that I got regular wild--I

tell you, I cursed. I got sort of outrageous. I didn't think of dividing it like for the minute,

Mr. Brisher was pensive for an interval. "I was done," he repeated, very bitterly.

there I saw 'is name. What for, d'yer think?"

I could not guess.

was suddenly suffused with a positive joy. "Issuing counterfeit coins," he said. "Counterfeit

coins!"